


you found me dressed in black

by thewriterofperfectdisasters



Series: Various Prompts and Drabble Things [21]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: (not really i'm sorry), Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Fluffish, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 01:20:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriterofperfectdisasters/pseuds/thewriterofperfectdisasters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘God, I love you sometimes.’<br/>‘Only sometimes?’<br/>‘Mhmm. Every day between 10pm and 3am.’</p>
<p>mishaismi asked: as a fan of h/c i would love to read a fic where Monica is back with the Gallaghers but unfortunately she would be in her depressive state and tries to kill herself (such a happy fic it would be right??) then Ian would freak out, Mickey comes to the rescue, much of comforting, you know the drill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you found me dressed in black

**Author's Note:**

> Stupid title from an awesome song - Dressed in Black by Sia.
> 
> Written for the lovely [mishaismi](http://mishaismi.tumblr.com/) (hope this is okay!) c:

No one was expecting it.

When Monica turned up, the Gallaghers didn’t know what to do, or what to say. The last time they had seen her was over two years ago, and they didn’t even know if she was still alive. That mystery was kind of solved when she knocked on their door, invited herself in and walked past her stunned children to start making a cup of coffee for herself, then started talking rapidly about what she had been doing for the past few weeks.

Fiona stood by the door, gaping at her mother for a few moments, before regaining composure and following her to the kitchen. ‘Monica?’

‘Yeah, sweetpea!’ Monica chirped, unceremoniously shoving the coffee pot back into the machine and flapping her arms around, trying to get them to land on someone to hug them.

‘What are you doing here?’ Fiona asked in confusion.

‘Came back to see my babies, Fiona. What does it look like?’

While Fiona tried to figure out what the hell had led to Monica’s reappearance, Debbie and Carl were looking between each other and Ian, who was sitting on the couch, bouncing Yev distractedly on his knee, and getting paler with each passing moment.

‘You okay, Ian?’ Debbie asked quietly, taking Yev from her brother, before the toddler got sick from the momentum Ian was picking up.

Ian’s eyes flicked up to Debbie from where he had been staring at Monica through the arch into the kitchen. ‘Fine.’ he croaked. ‘Just... I’m fine.’

‘Sure?’

‘Yeah.’ Ian nodded, shaking himself slightly. ‘Can I have Yev back?’

Debbie raised an eyebrow and waited for Ian to stop jumping so quickly. Once she deemed him calm enough, she handed him the tiny Milkovich, and went to join Fiona in the kitchen. ‘What’s she doing here?’ she muttered to her sister.

‘No idea.’ Fiona replied. ‘Making coffee, apparently.’

‘Debbie!’ Monica crowed, seeing her youngest daughter standing next to the fridge, and throwing her arms around her. ‘Oh, my sweet Debbie!’

Debbie frowned and resisted the urge to push Monica off her. ‘Why are you back?’

‘I wanted to see my little munchkins!’ Monica explained. ‘Why? Don’t you want me here?’

‘Not really.’ Ian said, entering the kitchen, Yev on his hip, and Carl behind him.

‘Ian!’ Monica cried, trying to get her arms around him, which he artfully dodged. ‘And Carl! Who’s this?’ she asked, doing that weird thing people do where they get really small and approach babies, looking like they want to eat them.

‘None of your business.’ Ian said, turning Yev away from Monica. ‘Can you please just leave?’

The smile faded from Monica’s face as she looked between her children. ‘Do you really want me to go? I thought it would be nice if I came to help you out, Fiona.’

‘Remember last time you came to “help out”?’ Fiona asked. ‘You spent the entire squirrel fund on drugs then tried to kill yourself right here in the kitchen!’

‘I’m better now. Let me help you.’ Monica begged. ‘I promise I’m better now. Please. I don’t have anywhere else right now.’

Fiona and Ian exchanged a dubious look. ‘I’m out. This is on you, Fi.’ Ian said, switching Yev to his other hip, and looking at his sister expectantly.

Fiona bit her lip. ‘I suppose you can stay. Only until you get yourself sorted out.’

Monica brightened instantly. ‘Thank you, Fiona! Thank you, thank you, thank you!’

‘Don’t make me regret it.’

‘You won’t! What am I making for dinner?’ Monica asked, looking hopefully through the fridge.

‘Lip’s bringing stuff for dinner from college, so we don’t need to worry about anything.’ Fiona replied. ‘He’ll be here soon, so we should set the table.’

‘Okay! I can do that.’ Monica said, grabbing a stack of plates from the cupboard. ‘How many places?’

‘Nine, including you. Assuming Mandy, Mickey and Yev are all here for dinner?’ Fiona said, directing her question towards Ian.

‘Mandy picked up an extra shift at the diner, so we’re down to eight.’ Ian nodded.

‘So that’s his name?’ Monica asked. ‘Yev?’

The toddler squealed at his name and waved his arms in excitement, hitting Ian in the face. ‘Yevgeny.’ Ian corrected, setting him on the floor and holding his hands, helping him walk over to the table.

‘Is he yours? You’re really good with him.’

‘He’s not mine. He’s my boyfriend’s.’

‘Boyfriend?’

‘Mickey.’ Fiona offered, sensing Ian was less than pleased to be talking to Monica.

‘Someone call me?’ Mickey’s voice floated through the living room into the kitchen, the slam of the front door echoing through the house in his wake.

‘As if.’ Ian called back. ‘Why would we want your hideous face in our house?’

‘Thought you liked my hideous face.’ Mickey grinned as he stepped into the kitchen, unwinding his scarf from around his neck, and swooping Yev into the air. ‘Hey, little dude! Were you good for Ian today?’

‘Yup!’ Yev giggled, patting Mickey on the face.

‘That’s good.’ Mickey smiled, passing his son back to Ian, and finally noticing Monica standing in the kitchen, still clutching the plates. ‘Who the fuck is that?’

‘Monica.’ Fiona said, rolling her eyes and taking the plates from her seemingly frightened mother. ‘She’s our mom.’

‘No shit?’ Mickey said, his eyes narrowed as they moved slowly between Ian and Monica. ‘Huh.’

Ian knew that look. ‘Mick...’ he warned.

‘Ian...’ Mickey mocked, before turning back to Monica. ‘How does someone abandon their kids, not once, but twice? I’m interested to know.’

‘I didn’t _abandon_ them!’ Monica said defensively. ‘Frank pushed me out!’

‘What about the second time? When you spent the squirrel fund then tried to kill yourself in front of your kids?’

‘I didn’t...’

‘Yeah, you fuckin’ did.’ Mickey snapped. ‘How do you feel knowing you passed that on to Ian?’

‘It’s not her fault, Mick.’ Ian said softly. ‘You know it’s just bad luck and genetics.’

‘ _Her_ genetics.’ Mickey replied. ‘I’m gonna take a shower.’ He turned and stomped upstairs, and a few moments later, the people in the kitchen heard the shower start up.

‘So that’s Mickey.’ Fiona said awkwardly, breaking the silence.

‘How long have you and him been together?’ Monica asked, looking to Ian, with somewhat watery eyes.

‘Four and a half years.’

‘How?’

‘How what?’

‘How have you lasted four and a half years?’

‘You’re one to talk. You were with Frank longer than that.’ Ian said. ‘Besides, you don’t know Mickey, and you can’t judge him, so fuck off.’

‘Bad word.’ Yev butted in, frowning up at Ian.

‘Sorry, bud. You wanna play with Debbie for a minute?’

‘Deeber!’ Yev crowed, reaching for Debbie over the table.

‘Deeber.’ Ian laughed. ‘Deeber, look after Yev for a sec?’

Debbie rolled her eyes at the nickname, but took the toddler from her brother, who climbed the stairs, and almost ran straight into his boyfriend.

‘Jesus fucking Christ, Ian.’ Mickey said, startled after having just come out of a speed shower.

‘Sorry, Mick.’ Ian murmured.

‘Hey, you okay?’ Mickey asked, his tone changing into one of concern almost immediately.

‘I’m fine. It’s just... Monica, you know?’

Mickey nodded. ‘Before you start with your girly shit, can I get dressed?’

‘Yeah, of course.’ Ian replied, following Mickey into their bedroom.

As Mickey dried off quickly, pulling on some clean clothes, he pushed Ian gently to sit on the bed. ‘Talk.’

Ian rubbed the back of his neck. ‘Well... she’s... you know. Bipolar. I don’t like her being here.’

Mickey sat beside him on the bed and grabbed one of Ian’s hands, which he was twisting and untwisting nervously in his lap. ‘Stop,’ he said, gently lacing his fingers through Ian’s. ‘Are you afraid you’re gonna turn into her?’

Ian nodded and squeezed Mickey’s hand. ‘What if my meds stop working or something? And I end up lying in bed for weeks, giving up the will to live? I don’t... I don’t want to get to that point again, where everything just seems... pointless.’

‘You won’t.’ Mickey said solemnly. ‘I won’t let you. Besides, she’s not on meds, right?’

‘No, she’s not.’

‘Exactly. These meds have worked out well for you so far, right? They’ve helped, and you’re stable. You’re good. You won’t get to that place again, because I won’t let it happen. I promise.’

Ian’s mouth quirked into a sad half smile. ‘You promise?’

‘Damn fucking right, I do.’ Mickey said, pulling Ian into a hug. ‘I won’t let you get back to that place, and I’ll always be here to keep you good. You hear?’

‘Yeah. Thanks, Mick.’ Ian mumbled into the material of Mickey’s shirt. ‘God, I love you sometimes.’

‘Only sometimes?’

‘Mhmm. Every day between 10pm and 3am.’

Mickey laughed. ‘You’re a fucking dick.’

‘You love it.’

‘I do love it.’

‘Boys!’ Fiona shouted up from downstairs. ‘Dinner!’

‘Thank fucking God.’ Mickey said, pulling Ian up, and leading him from their room, down to the kitchen.

‘Dada!’ Yev cried, watching the pair re-enter the kitchen.

‘Hey, bud.’ Mickey said, ruffling his son’s dark hair, and sitting next to his high chair.

‘Sup, guys.’ Lip greeted, setting down a bunch of foil trays in the middle of the table. ‘Hope we weren’t disturbing anything.’

‘Nah.’ Ian shook his head, taking his seat next to Mickey. ‘He was just telling me how much he loves my dick again.’

Fiona gave Ian a disapproving look as Debbie, Carl and Lip laughed (Liam joined in, though he didn’t know why everyone was laughing), and Monica looked slightly confused.

Mickey appeared not to have heard what Ian just said, until Yev cried at the top of his lungs, ‘Dick!’ Mickey then promptly began choking on the large gulp of his drink he had just taken.

‘Jesus Christ, Mick.’ Ian said, thumping his boyfriend several times on the back.

‘Don’t say shit like that!’ Mickey gasped.

‘Bad word!’ Yev yelled, whacking Mickey in the face.

‘Why did we teach him all the bad words?’ Mickey asked, rubbing his cheek and frowning at Yev.

‘Because you’re an idiot?’ Ian suggested.

‘Yeah, but you’re the idiot who loves the idiot.’

‘We’re both idiots.’

‘Agreed.’ Lip said, receiving glares from both Mickey and Ian for the effort.

‘Can we just eat?’ Fiona asked. ‘And please can we not talk about what Ian and Mickey do in their bedroom.’

‘What about what they do in the bathroom?’ Carl asked.

Fiona blinked. ‘Same goes for what happens in the bathroom.’

Carl groaned. ‘Why will no one tell me where the gay wieners go?’

‘Jesus Christ.’ Mickey sighed. ‘Up the ass, okay? Happy?’

‘Very.’ Carl grinned. ‘What about–’

‘That’s enough, Carl.’ Fiona said, dumping some suspicious meatloaf on his plate. ‘No more talk of what goes up their butts, okay?’

‘Is dinner usually like this now?’ Monica asked, bringing the attention of the other occupants of the table back to her.

‘Yeah, so if you don’t like it, you can always leave.’ Mickey remarked, putting as much venom into his words as he could.

Monica was quiet after that.

 

* * *

 

It had to be Ian. Of course it did.

It was a week after her initial reappearance, and Monica had gone into the bathroom to have a shower almost half an hour ago.

‘Monica!’ Ian called, knocking on the door – forgive him if he wanted to conserve the hot water. ‘Hurry the fuck up, there are other people in this house!’

No response.

‘Fine, ignore me!’ Ian yelled, stomping downstairs to where everyone – bar Lip and Mickey – was sitting in the living room, watching some documentary that was on as part of shark week.

‘She still in the shower?’ Fiona asked.

‘Yeah.’ Ian huffed, sitting on the couch.

Fiona bit her lip, looking thoughtful for a moment. ‘Has she seemed kind of weird to anyone else for the past couple of days?’

Ian caught on to what Fiona was hinting at first. ‘You don’t think...’

Fiona shrugged. ‘Check if the door is locked.’

Ian jumped up, and ran back up the stairs. He twisted the door handle, found it was unlocked, and pushed the door open. ‘Fiona!’ Ian cried. He turned the cold water off, oddly relieved to find it had not been pouring hot water in the first place, and felt for a pulse at Monica’s wrist. It was weak, but it was there.

‘Ian, what–’ Fiona called, rounding the door. ‘Oh Jesus. Jimmy!’ she yelled, helping Ian pull their mother from the tub, and get her into the recovery position on the bathroom floor.

‘Fiona?’ Jimmy asked. ‘What is it?’

‘Call a fucking ambulance. Now!’ Fiona replied frantically.

Jimmy pulled out his phone without questioning her, and stepped into the doorway to see Monica lying on the floor, completely drenched, unconscious, and pale with blue lips. ‘Uh, hi. I need an ambulance?’

While Jimmy gave the operator the address, and the overview of the situation, Fiona and Ian did whatever they could to keep Monica’s heart beating.

‘What did she take?’ Jimmy asked, nodding to the empty pill container on the sink.

Ian grabbed the bottle. ‘Shit. Antidepressants.’

‘How many?’ Jimmy asked.

‘All the ones that were left in there, so 25.’ Ian said.

‘Okay.’ Jimmy nodded, and went back to talking with the operator.

‘Ian.’ Fiona said, noticing her brother’s shaking hands. ‘We got this. Go to him.’

Ian didn’t need to be told twice. He darted down the stairs, past his siblings, who had assembled in the hall with Vee, grabbed his coat from the hook near the front door, and ran as fast as he could.

 

* * *

 

It was a slow night at the rub n tug, and all Mickey wanted to do was go home and curl up with Ian in bed, maybe after having a quiet fuck, or a decent make out session. Anything to get his mind off the fact that his un-medicated bipolar mother had popped back into the Gallagher house.

There were only the usual five patrons in the bar, as well as Kev, who was idly cleaning glasses, and a couple of guys upstairs. As soon as they came back down, Mickey was out of there.

He yawned, and took a sip of his drink – just coke, after he had stopped drinking heavily in solidarity with Ian.

Kev sighed, and walked over to where Mickey was sitting. ‘Mickey, you can go if–’

He was interrupted by the door to the Alibi flying open and slamming against the wall. ‘Mickey?’

‘Ian?’ Mickey was up in a flash. ‘You okay?’ he asked, noting the frantic look on his boyfriend’s face.

‘She did it again, Mick.’ Ian said, biting his lip to stop it trembling, and walking into Mickey’s open arms.

‘Who did what?’ Mickey asked, rubbing his hand in wide circles over Ian’s back. ‘Monica?’

‘Wait, Monica’s back?’ Kev interrupted.

‘Yeah, she... She...’ Ian’s chest heaved in a sob, and he buried his face deeper into Mickey’s neck. ‘In the shower. My antidepressants... She...’

‘She tried to commit again.’ Mickey murmured, filling in the blanks. ‘And you found her.’

Ian nodded, pulling Mickey in tighter. ‘All of them.’

‘She took all of them? There were 25 left.’ Mickey sighed. ‘I’ll get a refill tomorrow. Are you okay, Ian?’

Ian just sobbed in reply.

‘Kev, I’m going to go home now.’ Mickey said, pushing Ian gently off for a moment to slip his coat on, before taking his boyfriend’s hand.

‘Yeah, no, that’s fine. I can wrap up here with the rub n tug.’ Kev paused. ‘Hey, uh, if you don’t want to go back to your house, you can stay with me, Vee, and the twins for a night or two.’

Mickey nodded in thanks and pulled Ian away, out the door. ‘You wanna go to Kev and Vee’s?’ he asked Ian quietly.

Ian shook his head. ‘I’ll be okay. I want our bed.’

‘Okay.’

 

* * *

 

When Ian and Mickey opened the door to the Gallagher house, the first thing they saw was Debbie and Carl sitting on either side of Vee, each with an arm around them. Liam and the twins were already in bed upstairs, and Vee had been designated as babysitter.

‘Hey,’ Vee said softly. ‘You okay?’

‘We’re just gonna go to bed.’ Mickey said. ‘Is she...’

‘Monica’s gone to the hospital. They don’t know if she’ll be okay, but they’re optimistic. Fiona and Jimmy went with them.’

‘Okay.’ Mickey said. ‘You got those two?’

Vee squeezed Debbie and Carl, stroking their backs calmingly. ‘I got them.’

He nodded, and led Ian upstairs. Once inside their bedroom, they shed their clothes, stripping down to just boxers and t-shirts, and climbed into bed.

Ian curled up beside Mickey, wrapping his arms around him, and took a shuddery breath, but said nothing.

‘It’s okay.’ Mickey soothed, knowing exactly what Ian was thinking and starting to rub his back gently. ‘It’s okay.’

‘I don’t want to be like that, Mick.’ Ian mumbled, tears slipping from his eyes. ‘I don’t want to.’

‘You won’t, Ian.’ Mickey replied. ‘I’ll make sure of it. I’m taking care of you, and I won’t let you become that.’

‘You can’t promise that I won’t.’

‘I can and I will. I’ll never let that happen to you.’

‘I’m a fucking mess.’ Ian sobbed. ‘I’m going to turn into Monica, I know it.’

‘No, you won’t.’ Mickey said, placing a light kiss on Ian’s temple. ‘You won’t. I’ve got you now, and I’m not letting you go. I won’t let you fall.’

‘But I will, Mickey! I will, and I’ll drag you down.’

‘That’s okay. I won’t let you go through anything alone. You’re stuck with me now, and I mean it. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.’

‘Ever?’

‘Never ever.’

Ian was quiet for a moment. ‘Swear?’

‘On my life.’

Ian nodded. ‘Thank you, Mick. For everything.’

‘You don’t need to thank me.’

‘I am, though. I’m so lucky I have you.’

‘Yeah, well. Me too, I guess.’

‘I love you.’

‘I know, I love you too, Ian.’ Mickey sighed, running his hands through Ian’s hair. ‘Go to sleep. We’ll deal with this in the morning.’

‘You won’t leave me?’

‘I’ll never leave you, okay?’

‘Okay. Night, Mick.’

‘Night, Ian.’ Mickey replied, kissing his boyfriend on the forehead, before tightening his arms around Ian’s back, and feeling Ian do the same to him. ‘I’ll be here until the stars have faded, and I’ll love you long after they’re gone.’

‘That sounds suspiciously like an Ellie Goulding song.’

‘Fuck off.’

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr at [im-not-his-keeper](http://im-not-his-keeper.tumblr.com/) so come see me and be my friend :3


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